Love Is Not Complicated

It all begins with attraction. You’re attracted to him. She’s attracted to you.

After the initial attraction, comes the question: is he (or she) available?

Yes? Then go! No? Then stop.

Once that hurdle is done, you ask the tough questions.

Do you share the same faith? Do you believe in the same values? Are you both capable of raising a family? Are you looking for the same things? Are you compatible?

Yes? Go on! No? Stop and look for another.

Love – the romantic one – is really straight forward. If you strip it of the emotions that accompany it, it’s not complicated at all.

But of course, what is love without the emotions of giddiness, happiness, “kilig”, sadness, jealousy, anger, longing, etc.? All these emotions make love exciting and colorful yet also adds to the complications it presents. However, if we learn to acknowledge these emotions along with the objective facets of love, then I see no complications at all. Many heartaches would be prevented if only we can all be objective and rational on how we approach love.

Sadly – myself included – when love enters, no matter how hard we try, all rationality goes out the door. And when love ends, we are confronted with a shattered heart.

But there is one love that will never end. The love that even if we threw off rationality and run away from will still endure and wait patiently for us to come to our senses. The love that was also irrational in a sense because all comforts and splendor were foregone just so we can be restored.

Yes, my friend. That love is the love of Jesus. The greatest love of all.

Have you experienced it?

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Confessions of a Non-Virgin: I Took A Vow of Purity and Broke It

Note: This article was made a long time ago. Then I took it down only to bring it up again. I was inspired to be brave about this after I gave my testimony to church during our seminar on love and relationships as God has designed it.

May Jesus be glorified in my weakness.

-Author

A friend tagged me in a link shared across Facebook. It’s about how a girl made the purity vow when she was 10 years old only to end up regretting it although she was able to remain chaste and pure until marriage.

I was tagged because when I was 16 – as I was beginning my college years, I made the same vow of purity and told all my friends about it in the hopes of inspiring them to do the same. No one outside my church did. Yet they remembered me for my zeal in advocating purity under the banner of True Love Waits.

Fast forward to my early yuppie days, I confess that I’ve broken the said vow. The effect was disastrous. I saw myself as dirty. I saw myself as someone who have sinned. My early sexual experiences, although with a guy I loved, always ended up in guilt and shame. I did not enjoy the act as I am wrapped up in thoughts that I have sinned; that Jesus is probably sneering at me; and that I have already broken my vow. Further on, the feeling that I have soiled my body; that I am now damaged goods and that no other man would want me except my boyfriend forced me to confine myself to a slowly decaying relationship bounded to a man who at first was the epitome of love then subsequently becoming the epitome of cruelty.

Having a vow then breaking it wrecked my otherwise healthy perception about myself, my body and my life.

Yet, I do believe that there is a God and the He loves me – virginity or no virginity.

Slowly, after a year of traumatic sexual experience, my mind was opened and I started to love myself again. I began to see that Jesus loves me despite what happened. I began to see that despite of me still being sexually active, He still loved me and He is not condemning me. I began to see that sex need not produce guilty feelings in me. That sex was good and pleasurable. That I was not damaged goods and that any guy would be lucky to have me. There was nothing wrong with my desire to master the art of sex by reading and feeding my mind – mind you, not with porn but with educational materials on what sex is all about. I began to see that sex is not dirty and that it is an act created by God. That it is something good that came from the Maker of everything good in this world.

My mind was slowly transformed. And as my mind transformed, my heart and my body followed. I began to desire again purity – this time not because I viewed sex before marriage as something evil but because I wanted a pure experience with my future husband. It’s because I have began to understand that sex is such a pure and pleasurable act that I want nothing more than to share it only with the guy I married.

I began to long for that one man who will be by my side for a lifetime and who can share my mind, my heart and my body. That guy who I will be confident enough will be by my side through good and tough times. That guy who won’t leave me. That guy who will grow old with me. After several failed attempts, I began to realize that that guy will only materialize after marriage. For any guy, no matter how seemingly perfect and ideal, without the blessings of a marriage can still slip away and not be part of my forever.

And so I pity the author, for indeed she has been deluded into making and keeping a vow she didn’t quite understood. Although the vow had good intentions, the way it was explained and executed could have been tons better. Ten-year-old’s are not supposed to take vows of purity. They haven’t reached adolescent yet and are not in the position to make such decisions about their body.

Likewise, a vow of purity is not just for girls. It applies to boys too. And only those who fully understood what the vow meant must take it otherwise they are making a foolish vow.

Did I make a foolish vow way back since I broke it eventually?

I did understood what I was getting myself into. I was a teacher of TLW (True Love Waits) and I knew what I was teaching. Being pure and abstaining from sex before marriage means no unwanted pregnancies, protection from STD’s, no broken hearts and less emotional pains. And yet, despite knowing all these, I went ahead and broke my vow.

But as I said we have a gracious and loving God. He forgave me. He took away my guilt. He restored me and told me I am still righteous before His eyes. And His promises remain true.

Yes, I have been sexually active. Yes, I have engaged in pre-marital sex. Yes, I broke my purity vow.

But I am not condemned. I am not unloved. I am no longer guilty.

Instead, I am well-loved, forgiven and accepted by Jesus. And He can still and will use me mightily for His kingdom.

PS. I deliberated whether to post this and make it public. I debated if I am divulging too much of myself especially to people I know who might hold me in some pedestal or another. I do not wish to offend sensibilities or crash hopes. I am merely speaking aloud about a topic that in my opinion has remained taboo despite the fact that everyone’s been doing it. I firmly believe that it should be discussed in an educated manner and not left to the media to glorify and bring about wrong notions. Pre-marital sex is a reality that society has to face. Simple explanation of the bees-and-the-birds followed by a stern warning of “no sex before marriage” is not enough given how media portrays sex in every channel available. 

The author’s conclusion of: “It’s your body; it belongs to you, not your church. Your sexuality is nobody’s business but yours.” to a point rings true. Parents, church mates, pastors, advisers, friends, etc. can all have their opinion on your sexuality and how you go about with it but the ultimate deciding factor is yourself and not them. But, if you have led a life or want to lead a life acknowledging that Jesus is Your Lord and Savior (the only precursor to salvation), then your body and your sex life, is something that you will also have to submit to Him. 

Don’t be afraid. Jesus is not a kill joy. He will not kill your sex life. In fact, He will give you a much better one. After all, it was Him who invented sex.

Related Articles – What Other Christians Are Saying About Pre-Marital Sex:

The global Church really needs to reassess it’s practical views on topics such as this and realise that it is in an inevitable war with an increasingly explicit society, where porn is so accessible, and many young people will grow up with an obscure expectation of what sex is. In order for the Church to better educate unmarried people on what a loving, sexually active relationship looks like, it needs to speak up and it needs to get over the fact that there may be plenty of strong Christians in sexually active relationships, and this does not make them any less a follower of Christ.

AlexJGuest from Faithful Remembrance

As someone who followed all of the rules and waited until I was married to have sex, I was assured that I would be guaranteed an easy and rewarding sex life. When reality turned out to be different than what I’d been told, I was disappointed and disillusioned.

Lily Dunn, Guest Post on Irresistibly Fish about the Lies About Sex – 4 Part Series

Saving sex for marriage is not a guarantee that you will have great sex, that sex will be easy, or in some cases, that sex will even be possible. All it guarantees is that the person you fumble through it with will be someone who has already committed to love you forever. To me, this is still SO worth it.

Lily Dunn, Guest Post on Irresistibly Fish: Lies About Sex Part II: The Myth of the Magical Wedding Night

Admission and Saving a Friendship

For the past days I avoided him like the plague. I valued my sanity. I guarded my heart. I know he noticed – how from being closed friends I suddenly turned cold. But I cannot help it. I do not want gossip. I do not want people to murmur. 

And yet I pined away for the friendship lost. A good friend in the making seemingly down the drain. I was sad things are over. 

Yet I was reminded of the past. Faithful blog posts showed me how capable I am of handling emotions and how my mind can ultimately win over my heart. I’ve been reminded of the instances wherein feelings would develop for friends but for friendship’s sake I have learned – we both have learned – to let go and fight for the friendship. And both parties survived with no casualties. 

Talking with another friend, admitting my weaknesses, has shed light that avoidance is not the solution. Friendships are too valuable to be sacrificed in the name of the often deceptive “love”. 

And so, I resolve, to give this friendship a shot. And if it comes down to an honest admission – well – what have I got to be afraid of. I’ve been through much worse and survived.

The Science of a Broken Heart

Having just gotten out of a fairly good relationship and experiencing the proverbial heartbreak, I resolved to research and find out why – even when the breakup is seemingly smooth – does one feel one’s heart break.

There is this acute pain in my chest that I feel every now and then which produces a dull ache. The sensation is that of a constricted heart cognizant of a heart attack (I believe as I haven’t really experienced one).

So being a scientist specializing in the life sciences, I went on a quest for the rational answer. And Google didn’t fail me. The most easy-to-understand video I got was this:

The video is pretty much self-explanatory. It states how, scientifically, a heart can be broken and what is the necessary cure. The actual illness due to a broken heart is called takotsubo cardiomyopathy and there are accounts of people who have died of one.

In fact, the biggest death of a broken heart is none other than Jesus Christ himself. Jesus, after being nailed on the cross, did not die due to excessive bleeding or punctured lungs. He died of a broken heart. After absorbing all the sins of the world, God the Father had no choice but to abandon Him for He was abhorrent to His eyes. And so, Jesus, who was without sin and became sin, and who had no other than love for mankind, suffered a broken heart.

It’s like He loves us so much but we fail to reciprocate it – hurts right? That was what He felt. His heart literally broke and that is why when the soldier pierced His side, water spilled out.

Yes I feel the pain. It is acute. It is, for lack of better words, painful. But definitely, it is none compared to the pain my Lord Jesus felt when He died on the cross. And for this, I know He knows how I feel and He can relate to me.

The pain is there but it is not the end. In fact, there is joy deep in my heart. For I am excited to know how the next chapter of my life will unfold.

it is better to love and lost than not to love at all

During my quiet moments (which can be quite a lot), I tend to think about whether it would be best to avoid a life that may lead to regret or to live a life even though you may probably regret it in the end. Vague statement, I know, but it can be clarified without exposing too much.

 

Suppose you love somebody else, or maybe you haven’t really found the person you could spend your entire life with, but then you are afraid to grow old alone or have your reproductive years pass you by, would you settle for second best – that is learn to love and marry someone just so you could have someone to grow old with and a family to show for it?

 

You would probably say yes. After all, who knows what could happen in the future, right? For all we know, you could end up happily married with the person you married turning out to be your true love even if in the beginning he or she wasn’t who you imagined.

 

But what if the other scenario happens? What if, after years of marriage, you find out that despite the fact that you love your kids and you’ve loved your wife or husband, it just isn’t enough. That you know there is something else out there. That contentment forever eludes you. That you feel you cannot bear to think of growing old with your partner. Worst, what if the love of your life came along. Late but at least he or she came. What would you do? Would you pursue that love, the one you know and feel would bring you happiness (the heart and the mind says so) or would you remain in the loveless marriage which has soured over the years?

 

I guess, you would again answer – pursue what would make you happy. Even if life seems to have been cruel in the end, bringing your true love at a time when all seemed lost and too late, still there had been happy years – memories worthwhile. So you may argue that life had not been wasted after all.

 

But wouldn’t it be so much better had you been entirely sure in the beginning that this is it. That he or she is the one. Wouldn’t that have saved all the trouble? Again, you may argue, how would you know if you wouldn’t give it a try?

 

I guess I wouldn’t. But then that is why I have made guidelines for myself. They are not harsh guidelines. I do not require some perfect guy. But I do have standards. Crazy, some may say. Some may even argue that my outlook would end up with me not finding anyone. Believe me, I have been admonished a thousand times.

 

Yet, I can’t help but think that I would rather face the perspective of growing old alone than lead an unhappy married life that I am bound to regret later. Or make reckless decisions that would cause me pain. I know life is not life if there is no pain and hurts but I also know that there is a way to avoid so much pain that one cannot bear. Then again, I will never be alone. I know I won’t.

 

But enough of this silly chatter. I still have years ahead of me. And I am confident he will find me. I am sure He will make certain of it.

 

***

My apologies for the title. I know it is the exact opposite of the view I had just expressed. I guess when I was thinking of a title, the suggestion that popped to mind was an admonition.

stumped yet still..

I have another set of deadlines to beat but still I can’t help but post an entry. I am finding the QuickPress option really handy for this quick and short posts. Of course I do not want to get into the habit of posting so short updates. I am always brimming with ideas for those long, mind-boggling yet reflective posts I used to make. But time won’t permit me so all I have to contend myself with is a notes box in my desktop courtesy of Rainmeter with all my blog ideas.

But what reflection do I have today? Somehow it hit my mind that the last pastor I talked to was right. Young professionals do have two simple major concerns in life – career and love life.

As for my career, I can’t say it is a career per se but I am a writer now, well on the way of becoming a full-pledged one. It may not be the journalistic writing I have envisioned for myself but I am still glad I am a writer. For it has always been a dream of mine.

For my love life, well, that’s a big question. I keep telling myself I am not ready for love, that I do not need it at this time, but who am I fooling? I pine for it. That’s the simple truth. So in the lyrics of Natalie and Justin Roman’s song Where Are You :

Where is he? Where is he? Where is this beautiful guy?
Who is he? Who is he? Who is gonna take me so high?

randomly writing something

This post will be another random post. By random I mean I will just write as the mind dictates; as the thoughts flow. More often than not, my entries are articles I’ve longed thought of. By that I mean that I was not in front of the computer or a writing material when I thought about them or when inspiration struck. Usually I’m inspired to write when I’m riding a moving vehicle, staring out its window and noticing the world speeding by. I notice a lot of things, realize a lot of things and is inspired to write about a lot of things. The words even form themselves in my mind.

But when I actually sit down to write, the words somehow slip, like soap suds across a wet body. And I can write no more. I can only hope to catch glimpse and pieces of the fragments of the thoughts that so plagued my mind. 

Sigh. He will be gone for a complete four days. Gone from my solar system. I will be hearing nothing from him just when I managed to get the phone fixed and my day-off fixed so we could talk, he decided to make a trip somewhere. Not that I blame him. I mean, heck, he has every right to do that. And now he made an implicit request for me not to contact him. Apparently his girlfriend may get the wrong idea. Tsk. When I have a boyfriend will I be like that? Selosa. I hope not. I honest to goodness hope that my boyfriend will be trustworthy enough that I will have no qualms about him having close relationships with other girls and believing his word for it that they are just friends.

Well moving on. I cannot fathom why I have all the energy in the world today when just some hours ago, when I needed the energy while I was at work, I was listless as a limp fish. I practically slept during my calls! Good thing I have people to talk to at work, apart from the customers on the other end of the line, that had kept me awake. 

And since I have this energy boost, I might as well write about the things I’ve discovered and realized which I know I will be expanding in articles that are not random posts. By that, articles I have thought of and edited and mulled over.

  1. I have realized that I have been viewing life like a box of very bitter chocolates, by that I mean problems. As of late my memories are all tainted with my misgivings about life – my work usually. Now, I happened to go across this blog about a dying person’s attempt to chronicle the last days of his life and give inspiration to others, well it inspired me – a fully alive and healthy individual. I mean if this person can see optimism in life despite his circumstance then what about me? And as such, I am led to think about my current spiritual state. I lament that I am still unable to shape some sense into it when I know that the happiest and most fulfilled days of my life were days spent with Him. Yes, they were not free from problems but also despite the odds, I was still at peace and the satisfaction I felt was beyond understanding. I miss those days. I long to be back in His arms. 
  2. I have managed to form the most unusual friendships. And I am immensely thankful for that. Who would imagine that friendship is indeed possible between a guy and girl miles apart, have never met each other, sort of share a “history” and whose acquaintance is frowned upon by their mutual friends? Who would believe indeed? But then again it is possible. Possible to the point that lines can be clearly drawn, discussed and adhered to; even referred back to when needed. Possible to the point that there are no inhibitions as to the topics shared – topics pertaining to anything under the sun; ANYTHING. He said he now treats me as a little sister, well I am glad. I honestly hope I have found a brother in him.

Oh well, that’s it. My train of thoughts shifted so that I think I will be writing separate articles now for each of them. Oh well.

The mind after all makes processes so much faster than what hands or words can ever accommodate. I simply marvel at the sheer capacity of the mind.

for you, W

I admired you the first time I heard your voice.
I admired you the first time I encountered your wit.
I admired your ease with small talk, your adept with conversations.
I admired you.

I looked you up and found your photo.
I looked you up and known your status.
I was dismayed on both occasions.
You weren’t who I imagined you to be.
You already belonged to someone else.

But still I admired you.
Secretly, I did.

I was elated when you became my friend.
I was elated when you replied to my queries, businesslike at the start, personal afterwards.
I was elated you would talk to me.
I was elated when you cared for me.
I was elated when you made me laugh.

The more I talked to you, the more I saw your brilliance.
The more I talked to you, the more I learned your personality.
I admired you even more.

The admiration grew deeper and soon I found myself falling for you.
It was one-sided.
I knew you saw me just as a friend – maybe even a little sister at that.

And when I got depressed one time,
when you apparently disappeared and I didn’t know where to;
When our talks suddenly stopped and I can’t find out where you were;
I knew I had to reign myself in.

(Did you know I even caught my eyes watering when I saw your username fused with your girl’s name?)

There would never be anything more than friendship for us.

And so I reined my emotions; controlled them and pulled them in.
I buried them and burned them; squashed them with all my might.

I stopped my fall. Stood up. Moved on.
I still admire you but not with the same intensity as before.

And now our friendship is threatened and I hurt deeply.
The pain I feel is even more than the previous pain I’ve felt.

I don’t want to lose the level of friendship we now have.
I don’t.

Neither do I want to choose.

I know you will never make me choose,
But there would always be a shadow between us.
I don’t want that.

Finally I can hear your voice again after such a long, long time.
I am excited beyond all doubts.

But I am also wary because of what you will say.
Because of what I will say.
Because of what may happen next.

I love you. I hope you don’t go.
I’ve told you before that my life will be utterly boring when you’re gone.

I will be leaving in a few months time.
We would soon be apart and our paths may never cross again.
But I hope that before that time comes, we would remain friends.
Just like before.

And don’t give me crap about face value.
I never looked at face value.
It’s always the inner person that I see first.
I don’t know how to end this.

I’m not even sure if you’ll directly find out from me;
If I’ll email this to your inbox.

I look forward to hearing your voice
Even when the words it will bear will send daggers to my mind
And cause my heart to bleed.

alex the lion

hai

magtatanong… alam naman ang sagot.

magtataka… wala naman dapat ipagtaka.

magkukunwari… bistado naman.

hai.

buhay nga naman. complikado. magulo. hindi basta-basta.

kaya masaya mabuhay. may lungkot at ligaya. may pait at saya.

minsan masasaktan. pero makakabangon din naman.

minsan malulungkot. pero liligaya rin naman.

life goes on, sabi nga.

at ako, ngingiti na lang…habang pinagpapatuloy itong buhay na may hanganan.

🙂

Better Dayz

Some days are filled with laughter
And others with unfound fears.
Some days just crumble and shatter,
Filled with dread and tears.

Some days are like moments under the sun
Too short when you are having fun.

Some days are cold and dry
Too long when all you do is cry.
 
But regardless what others say,
I will love you forever and a day.

 
Some people wish that the day last forever,
While others wish it for the night.
Some wish for days that will be better,
While others for days full of hope in sight.

Some wish for better days,
For strength that is constant and stays.
Some don’t like to face tomorrow
Because they are currently burdened with too much sorrow.

But no matter what, we’ll always find a way,
I will love you forever and a day.

 
Better days are far and few in between,
And the best still remains to be seen.
Though it helps to look back where you’ve been.

Better days are those days where you’d always smile
And you’d also take time for us to talk for a while.
Those days will surely and sorely be missed,
Especially the fleeting moment that we accidentally kissed.

Even though I’d be old, cracked and gray,
I will love you forever and a day.
 
No matter what the price, I’ll always pay
To be with you now… until forever and a day.

 

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By: JVA