Elections is over. The most divisive and brutal election season I have ever encountered is finally drawing to a close. Mar Roxas and Grace Poe, the two “closest” rivals to Duterte has conceded defeat.
While I have already prepared myself for a Duterte presidency, I cannot begin to fathom or accept how people can vote for Bongbong Marcos. How easy it is for people to forget the atrocities of Marcos’ regime. How apparently senseless the death of Ninoy Aquino and countless other martyrs have been.
Before I have resigned myself that should Duterte win, I may as well watch him and make sure he does bring the change he claims he will do to our country — the scary violent change he promises. I told myself, I may even consider going to public office – working for the government – in order to watch from within.
But as of late, I have been thinking of a different thing. I am led to believe that it is hopeless and just want to do away with everything. Let go of my nationalistic tendencies and turn my back to actually making a positive change in this country through servant leadership. I have thought about, one day, running for president – even claiming this as my biggest ambition in life. An ambition born not because of greed or hunger for power but because of a real desire to serve the Filipino nation. Call it my highest form of idealism (or should it be idiocy?).
Seeing how brutal the last election was, I am led to question how, an honest public servant, can really withstand the mudslinging and stress of the candidacy. But I can push on had I have more belief in the Filipino nation whom I wish to serve. Sadly, that belief evaporated as I saw more and more people willing to go back to the times of the past.
Will I be selfish if I try to be more pragmatic and choose my family’s well being first? A well-being that I can assure if I go to a first class nation – and in the process – bring them with me too. A place that will offer peace and prosperity albeit far from the native land – a land I am no longer sure of what it is becoming of.
At this point I don’t know what to believe of my countrymen anymore. I am moved to apathy – jaded by the calls to nationalism. How can someone be nationalistic in a land that is divided all on its own?