In Search of Fulfillment

His death has sparked in me again that passion I’ve carefully masked and hidden so that I will be productive in life. Or such that I will have that that sense of fulfillment. But then, seeing a man die doing what he loved made me think back to the words Steve Jobs shared so many years ago. Jobs asked himself daily, “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” He knew life was finite and soon enough death would come knocking at his door. So he wasted no time in going after his heart’s dream and trusting his own intuition with what he wanted in life.

Now I am led to ask myself the same thing. If I were to die tomorrow, have I done what I loved the most? Have I at least tried?

And so I re-evaluate the path I am now in. How passionate am I with what I do? Does every success bring tears to my eyes? Does every frustration constricts my heart to the point of breaking? Is it something I would gladly die for in the line of duty? Weather all storms and brave all odds to fulfill? Embrace all fatigue and discomfort knowing full well that nothing matters because I love what I do? Melodramatic, I know but it’s true. To me, that is passion.

In my desk, I have this quote that reminds me daily: choose a job you love so you never have to work for a living. I love where I am now, don’t get me wrong. I am able to initiate change, bring about positive results, learn new things and constantly challenge and expand myself. Yet, I will be lying to myself if I say I am happy and fulfilled with what I am doing now. Good as I may be in it, this, I know is not where my passion lies.

How many times have I had that desire to pursue this passion yet I declined and looked the other way? How many years have passed where I constantly choose another path, another line of duty, only to go back and be reminded of the road I have yet to take? The road where my heart yearns to travel. It’s something that haunts me even when I thought I’ve forgotten and deluded myself into thinking I’ve built a path in where I am now. It’s even something I am willing to risk everything for, so long as I can be there. It’s something I know I love, since the time I learned how to dream.

Steve Jobs said you cannot connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards. I am not the type to give up what I’ve done or where I’ve so far gone out just to go back and chase after a heart’s lifelong dream. I am not that selfish or rude. I believe in seeing things to completion. But then, I guess this is it. To see things come into completion. To see things become fulfilled. I think this should be where I draw the line. A year for plans to unfold. Plans I’ve helped prepare.

And then, it’s my time to chase after that dream. To once again leap off the cliff. Whether I soar up in the sky, or fall face flat on rock bottom, I can never tell lest I leap and give it a try.

And so, this is my conscious effort to try and live my life the way I’ve always dreamed of, the way my heart yearns for.

Author: elleica

Jesus Lover. Writer. Blogger. Biologist turned marketer. Child of Learning. Thrill Seeker. I long for my next adventure.

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