Lost. Not the TV series but the feeling. No I am not in a place unfamiliar – my sense of direction is too good to get me literally lost. Rather, I am in a state of life wherein I no longer know what to do, what to feel, or what I should really be doing. Thus, I am lost.
Life has always been linear for me. Just as I view many other things as linear. Yes there are branches, there are other connections and side roads but always, everything is linear. Even if you choose to go down a side road than the main road, the path would still be linear. That’s how I’ve always viewed things – with a start and an end in mind.
At times, limbo happens. That state wherein the linear path seems to temporarily disappear and you are left to figure out how to reclaim that linear path. But this moments of limbo, once passed, reveals a much bigger, brighter and clearer linear path. If the opposite occurs though, then the limbo state remains and the agony continues.
I feel that I am in that limbo state now. Wherein the linear path is hidden, unseen, unknown. And as thus, unthinkable. Wherein, the whole essence and security of the future is questioned and doubted. Then again, there is the belief that a Supreme Being, God in my case, is always there to guide me and give me the future I so deserve. A future rich in blessings and goodness fit for a child of His own.
Yet it remains, that deep seated feeling of lost-ness. That feeling of limbo. It eats me, consumes me that I can not function to my prime. My full capacity, I feel, is restrained, contained, untapped and uninspired to shine through because I remain in a state of limbo.
What do I do? Where do I go? What am I doing here? What am I doing wrong? Is it even a question of going away or should I merely take a time out?
And that, my dear blog, is my limbo state. Au revoir.