love musings #1

So here I am. Back to the world of blogging. Gosh. How I miss the sheer liberty of typing away in the keyboard, word after word, of pent up emotions cascading to rhetoric questions. I’m glad to finally have a phone that had Wi-Fi access but the QWERTY keyboard and the small screen takes some getting used to. But certainly, it’s a good shot at blogging while on the go – as if I have so many times for that. But then, a blogger’s gotta do what a blogger’s gotta do. But this post isn’t about my regressions in the blogging world, neither does it aim to applaud my (hopeful) regular return, rather it is a post on what love is, how does love work and what does love do as I have witnessed and been witnessing in my life the past couple of weeks.

Yes, dear reader. I believe I am in love. The worst kind ever. The love that has made millions of intellectuals stupid; the love that has been the downfall of the most wise in history. I am in love to the point of stupidity. Some would say it is not love at all. My friends would admonish me endlessly that I need to wake up to reality. But I am in love. Not entirely happy but in love. Even my mind would sometimes swish back and forth at the utter stupidity of my heart. But this, I surmise, is love at its worst.

How can I say that? How can I claim to be in love yet admit without inhibitions that I am stupid for being so? Simple. Because I believe that love is when you are able to accept the person no matter the bad qualities he has; when you are able to remain patient with him despite everything; and when you are able to understand where he is coming from thus resulting in acceptance despite what others say or think.

Yes, I love him. That’s why despite everything, despite the pains and hurts, the temper and bad words, the fights and arguments,I still put up with him. Sometimes I do question myself why I’m still here for him but then I know it’s because I love him. Am I stupid for doing so? Maybe I am.

But I understand his past. I know why he is like that. And I know that there is so much more inside of him; that he has so much potential; and I want to help unleash that. He has been hurt; he has been in pain; he has been suffering for the longest time imaginable. I long to free him of his pain and his suffering. I won’t be able to do that, I know, but I can help him and guide him to the right path. Well, I certainly hope so.

But late at night, I find myself asking the question, to which I know I do not have the answer. Until when will I be able to hold on? Until when will I be able to stay put? Until when? After so many hurtful words have been said? After so many pains have been inflicted? For how long? I do not know.

One thing I do know. I love him. And for now, that is true.

Author: elleica

Jesus Lover. Writer. Blogger. Biologist turned marketer. Child of Learning. Thrill Seeker. I long for my next adventure.

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