That’s how I feel today. Utterly sabog. I know I have a lot of things to do. Thoughts to process. Ideas to generate. Yet here I am wasting time after time, and all of them paid, generating nothingness. My mind is a total scramble of stuff. Do this. Do that. Think of this. Think of that. Yet no concrete idea comes out. I am an utter sabog person.
Perhaps it’s the weather. The coldness of the rainy season. A respite from the scorching heat of summer.
Perhaps it’s the new phone – finally! I’m so happy with the phone I now have. Boredom would certainly be out of my vocabulary for a very, very long time.
Perhaps it’s still the small twinge of sadness I have over losing him. I had hoped he would be my one and only.
But then again, everything we do is our choice. And it will also be my choice to continue being sabog or condition my mind to start working and moving forward.
And btw, this is a blog entry I wrote many days ago (closer to the time we broke up) but which I haven’t really posted. So here goes:
Funny the way life twists and turns. The moment you gain something so wonderful in your life, you start to lose something that was wonderful. But then again you pause to think, maybe the wonderful was not really wonderful enough and something more wonderful would come along.
Just as I was made the biggest offer of my life – an offer that would propel me to the pinnacles of my career ambition, I lost the love of my life. It was so ironic, the way that it all happened in one day. There I was in the morning, hearing wonderful career promises from my boss then there I was in the evening, wishing the day was just a nightmare as hurtful words were hurled at me.
But again, life is a box of chocolates, as they say. You can never know what you will get or expect. I still believe that as I slowly close the doors to yet again another failed relationship, I would receive a more wonderful one in return. Yes it was painful the absurd way we separated. All the negative emotions are there – pain, hate, anger, unbelief, mistrust – but one could either choose to dwell on all the negativity or rather focus on the positive things that came out of it. In all fairness, I was able to learn a lot in the brief span of time I was in a relationship – a relationship I thought was for eternity. I know I gained sufficient maturity and wisdom that in the next relationship, I will be more careful and more wise especially since I “play” for keeps.
And good thing that my career offer was so wonderful, it tends to erase everything else. Focus, paradigm shift, choice. Ultimately, we are responsible for how we choose to live our lives.
PS. I’m starting to suck with categorizing and creating tags. Goes to show I haven’t blogged for such a long long time.