It is past 3 in the morning and I am still up. The day promises to be an even busier one. But I cannot sleep. Not with all this worries and apprehensions plaguing my mind. I hate that word – worry. The Bible specifically warns against it. But sometimes, I can’t help but feel it.
Then again, what should I be worrying about? If I consider everything there really is nothing to worry about in this world – if only I could see things in His perspective.
Then again what is eating me. Tomorrow, or specifically in less than 12 hours time, I may or I may not have my own website. I have already bought my own domain. I now own cerebralinsights.com. If you click on it, you will see that it is still nothing. I have no host yet. I already have an account with a free webhost service, but I am too tired to figure them out.
Then again, I have been offered by a client (yes, a client) to be hosted in his hosting service for free. But warnings from friends made the offer sound too good to be true. If I host my site in his server, I risk losing all my files (in case he decides to steal them) or I risk another person controlling the contents of my blogs.
Sigh. Then again, I find myself asking – what is the risk? How precious or how attached have I become to my writings? Am I not prepared to lose them all? For starters, I don’t really back up all my blogs. I mean, my hard drive has limited capacity and I see no sense in containing my blog posts in it. Also, I can always replace my posts – not replicate them in exact fashion but write something similar, perhaps. And most importantly, losing my writings will not in any way diminish who I am as a writer nor stop me from writing.
I would just have to start from scratch in that sense.
So I guess it all boils down to how much I trust this person. Well even this blog entry is a risk considering he may be able to read it. Thinking back, everything I did in life involved some small amount of risk. Trusting people have always been risky and I have never been afraid of that particular risk – blame the D4DR mutation. (Even the prospect of approaching a snake for the sake of conquering my phobia appeals to me – again we have the D4DR gene to blame).
Now, can I rest well knowing tomorrow, or in a few hours time, I yet again make a big risk in my life? Perhaps. Then again, there are bigger risks out there that I must start worrying (again, I hate the term but why do I use it to describe what I feel) about. Next week, I hope to start my application for a position in the academe. I have lamented the past previous days how I am unable to hold a job for long – how even the vast world of freelancing has lost its appeal for me. My sister tells me that I need a job with a constantly shifting environment, as I tend to bore easily. So next week, is yet again a new adventure.
Well dear reader. If in the next couple of hours or days you find yourself staring at cerebralinsights.com then that means that one way or another I have managed to secure my host – how? Well expect a post on that, perhaps. And wish me luck or better yet guidance and protection. (My Christian upbringing still shines through at certain times even in the terms I use.)
So now I rest. Confident that whatever happens, whatever the outcome is – all will be well.