Trust. Funny thing, really.


If there is a shred or shadow of doubt, do you say that you trust the person? If there is any amount or hint of suspicion, can you still say you trust the guy? Shouldn’t trust be something that is sort of absolute? Complete? Either you trust 100% or none at all.


I don’t think trust is something like love – where you leave something for yourself. Trust, as I see it, is one of those things in the world that should be absolute. There is no gray area.


Do you agree? Or disagree? I would love to hear your opinion.


Yes. We haven’t met personally. Yet we do talk about stuff and are surprisingly candid about everything. Surprisingly honest or real. Should there be something that would or must cause me to doubt? Should there be something that must cause me to be cautious?


I know there were always warning bells in this peculiar relationship. Warning bells were constantly ringing, albeit faintly, but always ringing. They serve to remind a past history, a sort of boundary that must not be crossed. Yet to me that was all the warnings were about. There is a boundary. Do not cross. Period. Keep to your side and everything will be fine.


Should there be more reason for caution then apart from this? Should there be now some peculiar going-ons that should be investigated? Brought out in the open and exposed? In short, why was a hint of doubt planted now? A seed that threatens to grow.


Optimism has always been my life. Though I may be a likely candidate for depression given all the trials that ravaged my life, still I believe in a generally wonderful world. I still believe in the good inherent in every person though I know that man, by nature, is a sinner.


If I cannot trust a person completely, I find it better not to trust at all. Better not to trust than to do so and have a shadow of doubt that will always threaten to shroud your relationship with animosity and negative feelings; zapping the joy that was suppose to be there.


I think I believe in something pure in this tainted world. Or maybe I long for purity, even though I myself am an impure being. Yet with all my friendships, when I think about all the ones I’ve made, I have always formulated a strong sense of trust in each of them – trust that I know they will never forsake me in my direst moments. Of course I have never really been given the chance to test that but I like to trust them absolutely none the less. And for those friends who’ve broken that trust just once, I must say, they are no longer my friends. I never trusted them again – let alone talk to them unless otherwise absolutely necessary.


Life for me is better if I am filled with trust than doubt.


So now I long to erase the negativity created by the topic we just talked about. I long to reinstate the absolute trust I had in him that I had to fight for so long despite all the remonstrations from those around me not to trust him. (Funny. I remember another person online told me I could trust him and I know I could but we never really got close as with this person telling me not to trust him.)


And his word that I could trust him should be enough. Must and would be enough. For there would no other way for him to prove I could trust him. Yet thousands to prove I can’t.



addendum: I just realized while thinking back over everything that has happened to me, even though I get to have the reason not to trust someone, I do not generalize it. I do not carry a grudge to the whole of humanity just because of the folly of one. I am a believer in all things pure I guess. To my good or my bad, well only my experiences would tell.

Author: elleica

Jesus Lover. Writer. Blogger. Biologist turned marketer. Child of Learning. Thrill Seeker. I long for my next adventure.

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