That’s what I feel right now. Not because it’s Halloween – I don’t believe in ghosts in the sense of all the horror stories the media has fed us with but rather because of all the lies I’ve been forced to commit the past days and because of the prospect of seeing her. Apparently, and ethically that is, I have to explain to her why I opted out. And I fear that encounter.
Not that she is scary (which in fact she is) but I hate the prospect of lying again. She didn’t became my friend or someone I can safely confide in. My superior in my previous work was someone whom I have formed bonds with and I can confide in him the real reason for my resignation. And though lies were needed to sort of cover my tracks, at least I knew someone knew the truth. Then again the HR of this last company was another person I can safely confide with and so it was easy for me to tell him the truth even though again I needed to lie to cover both our asses.
But this next person I have to talk to, I’m afraid I must muster enough courage to tell her the acceptable reason I’ve concocted for my resignation.
You see I am allergic to lies. I am not allergic to foods like chicken or fish or even to dust and fibers but when it comes to lies, I have a very hard time coping up. My parents raised me to adhere to honesty and integrity so much that I would rather get scolded and punished than lie. I can never keep a straight face while outright lying.
I hope there was some other way out of my predicament than procuring all those white lies which are lies whichever way you look at it. Although there is a shred of truth to them, I can’t still shake off the feeling that I’ve been lying all along and someday I may pay for them. I have repented, yes. But my conscience still gets the best of me.
I hope this is over soon. I can lie no longer.
And I am scared shitless (pardon the language).