Days like this, I feel more than ever inept for the job I’m in. Not because I lack the skill or the discipline for it but because I feel like my skills, my abilities, and my talents are severely overlooked and underrated. Days like this I feel more than ever that it is time to quit. To look for a more challenging job wherein my full potential is exploited and the only reason I get marked down or overlooked is because I really do not have what it takes for the next step or the next challenge.
I guess I was placed on vacation leave, a rather unexpected one at that, to prepare me for the bad news I was to receive. Part of me does not think I should be blogging about this, for reasons that people I know will read about it, but then what is the purpose of my blog if I cannot share my sentiments to it. Besides, I have been talking a lot about politics the past days and I need to take a breather and talk about something else lest someone mistakes my blog to be a political blog instead of a personal one.
Maybe he was indeed better qualified. Maybe he was indeed a better candidate than I am. Maybe he had better stats than me. In any case, he was accepted for the position I believe I was fit for; for the position I knew I was supposed to have. I don’t even know why I was not selected. I guess they don’t tell you that. They just leave you to figure things out on your own – see where you went wrong and resolve it yourself. Maybe I was so out of the action last week, for very valid reasons that I do not know if they checked, and they thought that since my attendance was sort of erratic, I was sort of losing my touch and is a bit irresponsible for the job in question. Again, track records don’t matter I guess because they just have to look at the immediate and that’s it. You’re judged.
A tenured agent approached me and asked if I applied for the post. I think I have heard that question a dozen times already and I simply replied an unemotional YES. I don’t want her to see how upset I was for not being selected. She probed further if I got interviewed and by whom and when, and I just replied the standard answers to her questions. I asked her why she asked but she never gave a straight answer. She just smiled and left. I wonder why she thought to ask me. We were never close and I never disclose to anyone except my immediate supervisor my plans for my job.
Maybe I am being silly and immature. This is corpo world after all. Dog eat dog. Full of crap. Funny I ever considered working in the corpo environment, where I know people do step on people to reach the top; where I know connections have a way of creating favors skills cannot. Still it hurts. Much as I want to think well of the issue; make some graceful congratulatory remark; emulate Mar Roxas for his willingness to yield; I’m afraid that I am unable to. Tears constantly threaten to spill from my lacrimals and I have to stop them – I still have an 8 hour shift to fill in. Good thing I only have tonight and tomorrow night to work, then I’ll be going on my day off. I’ll be temporarily forgetting all this crap.
Another thing that really pisses me off is the survey I just got. It wasn’t even a survey for me but for another agent. But as with the case for these surveys, customers cannot really be blamed for wanting to express their opinions. It is just a glitch, and an unfortunate one at that, wherein agents will receive bad surveys for the bad service they did not perform. And now I am being asked to account for the DSAT survey and to analyze what went wrong with it. Well what went wrong was that the customer answered the wrong survey and it wasn’t his fault. It was the system’s fault.
I want to leave but sad to say I cannot. I do not want to leave only to move to a work totally wrong again for me. When I leave the work I want to transfer to is the work that I want, not another work that I’ll next hate. I do not want to create a string of hated jobs. But as of now I cannot pursue the work I want, not when the house financial situation is still shaky and somewhat dependent on me. I will need to wait. I have to. As of now, I have no other choice.
I entitled this post Breather because it is a breather from the political posts I’ve been writing about the last days. I feel like I’ve also came from a breather from the routine of work, a breather punctuated by the death of my grandfather and the recent buzz in politics; a breather that is now unfortunately coming to an end. I am again being sucked into the vortex of this relentless life as a call center agent – a hapless technician whose brain cells are dying from the rigorous routine of similar boring work issues.
A friend from work told me that life as an agent will never satisfy me. I need to get promoted to have a louder voice; a better perspective; a challenging duty. I need to get promoted quick. But with the changing ratings, the inconsiderate work rules and the questionable qualifications plus the feeling of utter disregard for one’s abilities, I have no concrete solid hope for ever climbing the ladder. Not that I really care. I just want a more challenging task.
And for that, the challenge I long for, the brain activity I crave for, I turn to other means. Work won’t satisfy so I must look for some other outlet.
Now back to those political discussions.
I just really want to know why. Why him and not me? But I am too afraid to ask.