I need some life outside work. Something that will boost me up or make me see the multi-facets of the life I am living. I need to be able to have a life outside what I do, not to be too engrossed with where I am and to be free of the shackles that work forcibly binds me to. Even though most of my waking time is consumed by my job, I must not be consumed by it. Even if I get to do nothing else most of the time because of the nature of the work that I do, I must still force myself, try my very best to break free of its clutches.
When I was a student I thought that working will allow me the freedom I have dreamed of. When I was a student I thought working will give me the time to do the things I really want to do. Now I see that I was wrong. Being a student already gave me all the freedom that I had or wanted in life. I was just bogged down by projects and exams but apart from that I get to join organizations wherein I got to explore myself and hone my skills and abilities. I was even able to travel to various places because of my activities. When I was a student, my social network expanded to immeasurable proportions and I got to interact with a lot of people from all possible walks of life – from the poorest of the poor, like kids in an illegal settlement in UP to the old rich of Philippine society like Mrs. Judy Araneta. I got to experience life for what it was really like – how to live amongst the poor and how to move alongside the rich. When I was a student, I had a life.
Now I am working. I am earning my own bucks and making my own way in the world. Unfortunately, I am also not living the life I wanted; the life I thought of or imagined. I feel more than ever that I am imprisoned in a life bounded by very strict and stringent walls. And where there is nowhere else I could turn to except to get out the door. I desperately want to take the exit, while I am still able to see it – to go out in the open fields and experience freedom again like I’ve used to. Sadly, I am not at liberty to do that – YET. I have no doubts that once I get the green light to flee, I will flee. I will leave this prison I have gotten myself into – to enter another prison? I sure hope not. I want to leave and forever remain in the freedom the meadow offers. I know I can make it out there.
It is scary to live in the open meadows – unsure what would happen next, uncertain when the next meal would be. As much as imprisonment sounds dull and boorish, it still affords security – security of shelter, of food, of provision. Yet in life, or in my life, there are needs greater than security. Needs greater than basic provisions. If only I could get the green light for these things, there is no doubt that I will pursue the higher needs – needs of self-fulfillment like Maslow said.
But for now, I must content myself with this prison I am in. The meadow is always there on the other side. So long as I can hear the birds chirping, feel the rays of the sun shining through, smell the fragrance of the dew-stained grass, I will remain at ease; at peace that the meadow is still there, waiting for me.