Sometimes I wonder if I have issues with superiority and following or if I am simply a free-spirited person. Sometimes I wonder if I would ever last in a job where I need to take orders and be boxed by a rigid set of rules or if I was simply meant to work in a boundless environment. A friend and mentor did forewarn me that I was not suited for an office job or any other static job that would eventually end up routinary. He told me that the best jobs for me would be something that would always excite my creativity or push me to constantly change or innovate all the time. I would fare better in a job that would constantly push me to my limits and challenge my creative mind. I will never be content in a job that would require me to work routinely day in day out.
I should have listened to such a precious gem of advice. I should have heeded it the first chance I got. But I was scared. I was complacent. I was impatient. I knew no better. I had grown tired of my vagabond days in school. I felt that I needed a more stable, less exciting, and more predictable life. I felt like I couldn’t take another moment of stressful organizing, chaotic order and countless networking. I felt like I needed a break. I decided to be a bum. Of course, I needed to earn money. It would be selfishness if I continue to impose myself upon my parents long after graduation just because I felt like I needed a break from who I am. And so I became a call center agent, specifically, a Technical Support Representative.
Now I’m 6 months into the job, a regular in fact, and I feel like I’ve already over extended my self-imposed bumship. My system is craving once more the kind of life I had before – the overly active Acielle who had a voice and an opinion in everything, who was relentless in implementing the things she believes will better her fellowmen, who was active in almost any and all endeavor, who was unhesitant in extending her talents and skills, who was always ready to serve. I missed who I am before. I feel like I’ve changed a lot during this period of intense inactivity. I’m scared I will end up complacent in life – forever a dreamer and never one that turns dreams into reality. I don’t want my life to end up mediocre.
I need to do something that will make me feel alive again. Back to who I was before. I don’t want to spend majority of my waking moments doing something that does not challenge me or bring out the best in me. I am tired. Tired of this inactivity that to me appears fruitless. Immature. Unrealistic. Impractical. Maybe that’s true. Maybe those best describes who I am right now. But then in life how will I learn if I will not try? How will I know something will fail if I will not see it fail? Life is always a risk, they say. How will I know if it’s true if I will not take the risk?
I’ve been reading this blog and I found a post about the most common questions asked during job interviews and the answers supposedly given so as to secure you the post that you wanted. I realized that most of the time interviewers ask if you are a team player of sorts and although I must say that before starting out in this first “real” employment of mine, I could confidently say that I’m a very good team player (friends, do you agree?) now I’m afraid that I can’t answer that question with a straight-face (workmates and teammates, do you agree?). I have changed a lot since entering this job. And I abhor the change. 😦