a rare moment of insanity (and irresponsibility)

I know it was immature and irresponsible. I know it goes against all my principles and my personality. But I had to do it. I had to be irresponsible and immature – just for once. Just this one time. 

 

Why? I cannot exactly tell. Maybe it was a way of telling the world (or myself) that I can also go against the tide; that I can also be reckless to the point of stupidity; irresponsible to the point of foolishness. A lot will berate me for my foolishness; my inconsideration. But although it was a regrettable action, I can’t help but admit that if you strip the regrets and the disappointment, I’m actually glad of what I did. I actually believe that what I did resulted to more good than harm – for me and my work, even for my sanity.

 

depression460What the heck am I talking about? Simple. I just went NCNS (no call, no show) from work the day before my day-off. You could also call it AWOL (absence without leave). And although I was perfectly aware of the protocol, I disregarded it, doing things my own way. My reason? I don’t want to add insult to injury by giving a lie, however conceivable, to my planned absence. I wasn’t absent because I had some excusable sickness. I was absent because I simply wanted to. Because I felt that my sanity demands it. I know the consequences of my absence. I knew what would be affected. I was prepared to face it. I accepted the consequences. Furthermore, I knew that no serious part of my job would be compromised. Heck! The company or queue could survive a day (or night) without me. 

 

 

And so I entered work today, refreshed from my long absence. I faced my supervisor with the right amount of shame written over my face but with dignity still intact. I received a good amount of heart-to-heart talk. Why did I do it? Why did I not even call or gave notice that I was going to be absent? I said I didn’t want to lie. I’m not a liar. I will not even fake a medical certificate to justify my absence. He asked me if I wanted to resign.

 

I said YES. I had wanted to resign a long time ago. But I kept thinking that it will never look good in my resume if I lasted less than 6 months in this job. But the longer I stay, the more my sanity threatens to crumble. Already I feel like it’s being held up by very delicate wires – wires that threaten to break any minute now.

 

He said my reasons for resigning were immature, although in the end he admitted that the decision is still mine. Well, call it immature. Call it whatever you like. My point is that I have a dream. Idealistic as my dream maybe but still it is a dream. I have an ambition, an aspiration, something that I long to fulfill. Indeed it is true that life is harsh, reality is grim, but still I hope that before I am jaded by life, I, at least get to try out my dream, try out what I want. In this young age of mine, wherein the realities of supporting a family is not yet imminent, wherein my only obligations are to myself, I think it is but proper that I do all my explorations now. 

 

goal-setting02I know I may fail. The risks for achieving my dreams are high, that I am well aware of. I know that probably I will just return to my old job – this job being the most amiable of all the jobs out there. But still I don’t want to live a life forever rooted in what if’s and dissatisfactions and disillusionments. I want my life to have some sense or degree of fulfillment. When I go back, if ever I do go back, to this job that I have now, I want to have a sense of peace that I came back because I knew that there really was nothing more out there for me. That I have proven it first-hand, failed at my attempts first-hand. 

 

I will get out. If I do come back, I know I would have become a better person than before I got out.

Author: elleica

Jesus Lover. Writer. Blogger. Biologist turned marketer. Child of Learning. Thrill Seeker. I long for my next adventure.

8 thoughts on “a rare moment of insanity (and irresponsibility)”

  1. I think you made a very intelligent decision. I can recall how you were all excited about this new job of yours a few months ago, while at that same moment I was in the middle of the kind of dilemma that you are in now. Well, it’s a big world out there Aicelle, and I for one do not regret–not even a bit–leaving the call center industry. I have a very big hunch that you won’t have any regrets, either.

    Like you, I left to chase my dreams and to see what else the world has in store for me while I’m still young. There isn’t anything bad in that at all. And if it’s any consolation, remember this: when it comes to your resume problem thing (you know, the possible “bad image” and all), unless you’re gonna be applying for a call center job again, call center job experiences won’t really matter and you’ll be surprised how employers will actually not care a bit about your call center experience. No one does unless your previous employment background has any significance to the job you’ll be applying for. Everyone buys the “I got tired of the call center industry and left to find my niche in this world” line too, by the way.🙂 -Jez

    Like

    1. shucks thank you. that really meant a lot considering the fact that i feel like they are giving me such a hard time at work now… guilt trips and all… lines of sayang ka, be practical, etc. hai!

      thanks jez!

      i guess i ate my words after all. haha.

      Like

      1. Haha! You know what? You’ll be more “sayang” if you stay and rot in there🙂 Explore the world! Explore life! Explore your options!🙂

        Like

  2. Well there is a moment in our lives when everybody has a moment of irresponsibility and I don’t blame you for that. You’re a human being and like the others you can have such moments in your life. The important think is how to manage the situation and do the best for you!!!Best wishes, Lucy

    Like

Tell me what you think. Leave a comment.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s