I realized that my entries as of late are mostly philosophical in nature. They start off as observations or recounts of my daily adventures then branch out into musings and opinions on the country’s present situation.
Well, for a change I’ve decided to write something about myself.
For starters, I wonder what people really think or perceive about me. Not that I really care or that their sentiments would greatly affect me, but then, I still wonder. A conversation with a friend from work made me wonder as such. Here was how the conversation went:
Me: Inaantok ako, sobra.
Friend: Baka buntis ka.
Me: Ano yun parthenogenesis*? *scientific term for immaculate conception
Me: Ayoko nun. Walang thrill.
Friend: Wow. First time.
Maybe because we’ve only discussed philosophical things before that conversation took place, and as such the reason for my friend’s surprise. But then I know that a lot of people would be really surprised by my comment. Walang thrill pala ha?
I know a lot of people view me as reserved, conservative or maybe even prude. I know they think of me as a goody-two-shoes type of person – especially the people at work. I do not smoke, though I drink. I do not commit abuses at work and I do not malign my customers. I seldom do. I also tend to appear sweet and innocent, I guess.
And it made me think of how many people out there, who I consider my friends, really know me for who I am. Not just the me they think of, or the me, that is apparently the Mary Sunshine to the community, but also the me who is reckless and wild. Not that I am THAT reckless and wild, but then I hope you get my point.
I’ve read in another person’s blog how he viewed himself as being socially challenged due to his perception that he is lacking in friends. He surmised how anyone ever texts him anymore. I am then led to wonder if I myself am lacking in real friendships. Not that I am socially challenged – I’m afraid I’m too outgoing to be such. I can strike up a conversation with anyone I chose to – bring up a topic out of thin air. Yet I admit I also don’t have regular textmates – people who send me text messages on a daily basis, that is, conversational text messages and not forwarded quotes and jokes. But then again, I was never a text person.
Yet, I am a firm believer that the friends I’ve accumulated over the years – friends from elementary, high school, college and all the other branches of society connected with these stages of my education – are there to remain my friends for life despite the lack of communication for years now. It is true that we might not be as close as we once were, but I believe that upon meeting again, years of silence would be breached by a simple smile, a simple hello and hours of non-stop talk about each other’s current lives. I further believe that when I am in dire need, then I can always approach any of them and they would always be willing to help to the best that they can. I mean, I would be willing to help them and I believe the same is true the other way around.
Maybe I am idealistic. I haven’t really tried any of the scenarios above. As my life keeps moving on to its different stages, and as I keep on changing scenarios and environments with each stage of life, I’ve been on the non-stop process of creating friends in each new environment and leaving them behind when I move on to the next environment. Some of them, I still maintain occasional communication, some of them I haven’t spoken to for years. But then I always seem to strike up a conversation once I meet a friend from my past and if he or she gets to remain in my current sphere, then good and fine for we are able to resume our friendship. If not, then we get to be just like two good old friends, meeting up then parting ways again.
So perhaps I am indeed a social creature – a social being who can always create friends wherever she is and who have no qualms moving on to a different sphere to forge more friendships. Yet I know that I am also a solitary and fiercely independent person deep down and as such, that might be the reason why I have no difficulties leaving friendships behind.
Yet for all the friends that I have, and for the large number of people connected to me in all the various networking sites I’m a member of, I remain sad that only a few ever finds themselves amongst the pages of my blog. Maybe I should do unto others what I want others to do unto me – and that is visit their blog sites, and comment on them. Maybe. No promises here.