There are days when I think I will not last in this job and then there are days when I could see myself moving on to the next step. Lately, I’ve been having misgivings about where I am now – ending up unhappy and disillusioned at this sad but practical turn of events in my life. Yet I must say I’ve managed to cope somehow – buying newspapers and looking for news items or opinions that are worthy to write about.
Lately my blog entries were more of opinions on the issues plaguing our country than the issues plaguing my system. I must have grown tired of analyzing myself too much and ranting about the unusual and unhappy circumstances of my life so I diverted myself to the larger picture or scheme of things. Well, this diversion has somehow made my mind think less of what I have now and somehow it made me a tad happy.
Yet I must say that the repercussions to my body are a bit too much. In order for me to write such articles I had to read up on the news and opinion columns of the national papers and after that I had to formulate my articles. And since these are serious articles, I have to do some editing and some thinking when writing them. And as such the endeavor has left me with little sleep and little rest. To top it, I have to still spend some quality time with my family who are the real reasons why I decided to forego a higher salary in an urban job.
And now I must admit that together with the threat of hypotension, my mind or head feels so heavy and I think I am in for some serious dizzy spells. The queue is quite light – for the moment – and I have a lot of avail time. I could catch some sleep if I want to but I dare not for fear that when I open my eyes, everything would be hazy and I would be unfit to continue with the day’s job.
I must say that the appeal of being a writer – be it freelance or employed – does not ever leave my senses. I could still visualize a life in such a setting. But I must contend myself with what I have now and excel in it. And since I want to combine two things or force to impose my happiness on my practical job, the post of a QA is the most appealing. Because I don’t need to face any other people, that is talk to customers, in order to perform my job. I just need to face the computer and do reports or audit calls. And if I am suffering from hypotension or dizzy spells, due to lack of sleep from doing another job apart from my paid job, then I could still make palusot in the job I have.
Does that make sense or am I simply too stoned now to even make sense of myself? My brother had candidly discovered that if he has poems stored in his notes, I have blog entries. It seems that even when I am just alone with my phone and I have nothing else to do, I have the incessant urge to put my thoughts into writing. And so I revisited the notes section in my phone and was surprised though pleased, to find some blog entries in it. Too bad I haven’t discovered yet mobile posting that time. And too bad I do not take full advantage of it. For if I do, I must have more than a thousand posts in my blog now.