Disgruntled. Dissatisfied. Depressed. Disillusioned.
What do you do when you have a dream – a dream that is eating you up every second of your waking moment? A dream that threatens to engulf your every thoughts and make you dissatisfied with what you have. I am a naturally content person with simple wants and simple dreams. Yet the point is – I have a dream – a dream I long to follow and see if it would suit me. A dream that I know would haunt me for the rest of my life if I don’t do anything about it. A dream that I would always want to pursue, have always wanted to pursue.
I dream of writing to my heart’s content. I dream of reading my name in print – be it as a byline in a newspaper or a magazine I dream of having my own byline I dream of something else – something that is not what I have pursued in my 5 years of college education Something that is not what I am doing now.
Back in university, I live by the maxim: DO NOT LET YOUR EDUCATION INTERFERE WITH YOUR LEARNING. I’ve learned all I can despite that my education was something I really didn’t want. I’ve learned all I can despite that my situation was something really far from my heart. I made do with what I have, confident that I could use my learning, if not my education to pursue my dreams, my ambitions.
Now I have a job, a job brought about by necessity, a job brought about by practicality Now I have a job, a paying job, a job like any other jobs – at least I am not unemployed. For this I know I am thankful. For this I know I am blessed. Yet this is not the job I want nor the job I’ve dreamed of. Should I go on living the university maxim? Should I apply that to this scenario? Would I always go on learning under circumstances I do not wish for nor long for? And would the time ever come when I would be learning under circumstances I’ve dreamt of?
My heart yearns to write, yearns to learn how to write, yearns to improve and develop her own unique style. My heart yearns to make a mark on the publishing world. My sense of challenge yearns to face the challenges of a struggling writer. I yearn for something else.
This dissatisfaction won’t serve me If this continues I will forever be disgruntled,dissatisfied, depressed and disillusioned.
And it wouldn’t be healthy at all.