Sometimes I can’t help but think how an aimless blundering fool I have become. I know who I am and I know what people see in me. Yet also I know the shadow that haunts me. And sometimes, I feel that that shadow is so huge and it will soon engulf me.
Again, I discovered or am discovering that freelancing won’t suit me – not in the long run or without any other thing to do. This is really pathetic. How can it be that I can’t seem to stay put on something long enough? Having met him made me re-evaluate my life even further. Here was someone successful – almost my age and yet doing something he is good at and he likes. And having laurels to boast of. I even like him yet I am ashamed of my skin for what achievements I have to offer.
Sometimes I see how funny life’s twists and turns are. Cruel came to mind but that is such a harsh word to describe life. Reading through the testimonials I received from my high school batchmates I can’t help but wonder where that me is. Where is she? And yet when I listen to myself talk to people – I still see the same me – the confident, vibrant and outgoing me with the promise of a very glorious and successful future. Yet little do people know the shadow eating inside of me.
This rot I am in. I must get out of it. Writing is not the only option. I should have known that when it provided no opportunity for me to exercise my leadership skills. I know who I am. College life and my previous schools have managed to show me that. Now I am in the real world and I now have the opportunity to put all those things I’ve learned into action. I was a fool to think I could get away from who I am or what my destiny is.
So what is holding me back? The year 2009 will soon end and I hope to see some changes in me. Shake myself off this pit I’ve dug myself and go out there and let the world see who I am. Besides, the prince would want a princess and so I must be ready.
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ack. what am i talking about? must go back to writing now.
