I guess I hit rock bottom when I took the cliff dive. A month ago I was so eager to make the jump that I must have jumped without really looking or thinking, that is. Not that I have any regrets for jumping – I relish the adrenaline rush of the thrilling escapade yet I will be a hypocrite if I feign success over what I did.
Nope. I was not successful. I fell, dear reader. I did. And the bruises hurt.
I love the job I have right now. There is nothing compared to the joy of figuring out the words being dictated – medical words that are really hard to understand coming from a non-native English speaker. The joy that rushes through my veins whenever I understand that the doctor was saying Coreg when all I can hear was courage is uncomparable.
Yet for all my praises for this job, equally are my disgrunts on how the company works. I know there are no perfect companies out there but this company exceeds the limit. For one there is the constant dispute over our very minimal salary. I learned today that PGS stands for President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo Scholars. We are called PGS trainees at work. I learned that PGS were given something like 10k, half of which goes to the company and half to the trainee or training costs I figure. This would include our allowance. What I do not understand then is how come, with such a fair amount of budget, are we entitled to get only a hefty 50php allowance per day? And to think we are already learning account specifics. Shouldn’t it be that when one trangresses to learning about account specifics they earn higher, possibly not a trainee’s allowance but an employee’s wage? Sad to say that it not my case.
And yesterday, when my mom learned that we were the ones who would still have to laminate our IDs and pay for our ID cords, she was astounded – urging me not to report to work any longer and to quit from the training. She goes further to state that by what she observes of my current health status, the allowance won’t even cover for my medical bills.
Furthermore, she states that I do not need to really work – a daughter’s dream, I must say. How many kids now a days can hear their parents tell them that they must not work yet? That the parents would still be willing to shoulder their kids’ expenses? In reality, my mom just wanted me to stop tiring myself out in a work that promises no higher compensation for the amount of work I put in.
She further urged that I could always do freelancing especially now that I can see the potential I have in that field. Working at home does seem like a very appealing idea especially when your alarm rings at 5 am on a very rainy morning.
Yet I procastinate. I must give my intent to leave now – if they will let me go, I really do not think so – not after the performance I’ve set in in the past weeks (Trainee of the Week for 2 weeks.. hmm..). But I want to leave. I do want to rest for a while. Not be employed but rather stay at home doing odd jobs or freelance jobs. Not answering to any boss. Working at my own convenient time. Of course there are downsides to it but that is yet to be explored.
I may get in trouble for this. I hope not though. In the end, I realized that although mental satisfaction can be provided by a job, compensation or salary is still an important consideration for work satisfaction. And if one or the other is not met, work quality suffers in the end.