processing
Wait. I have to process things. Process for me, in this context, would be to blog. Blog about this. Yet for once I am at a lost where to begin writing. I keep thinking I have not made an update since the last time and a lot has happened (we had a blackout for 2 days!) and also I keep thinking, another personal post!?! Eck. What would respectable people think of me?
Then, again I am a selfish writer at times. And I need to write to process my emotions.
Love. As always, that is our topic. Why am I so afraid or so wrought up about it? *Shrugs* I really don’t know. That’s why I am writing.
First stop. Today I had to get rid of a really annoying person. I hated how he had been so assuming to think that I would wait for him when there was really no basis for me to do so. Does honestly and a good clean conversation counts as some insurance that I will wait for him. Well, poor him that he had to assume so many things that weren’t really there. I guess next time I should be more careful.
Second. Much as I detest admitting this, and honestly it brings tears to my eyes now that I think of it, there is really a part of me that knows how to flirt or how to play mind games – my own version that is. I have blogged about it earlier before on how flirtatious I sometimes get with a particular so and so person. And how shocked I am about it. Now, with this other person I realize that I could actually carry similar kind of banters. Or almost similar. In any case it was apparent by his confused state of mind that I was confusing him.
Or maybe, things that appeared simple and straightforward to me may not be simple and straightforward to him. Then again, maybe I should leave all other preconceived notions and bad assumptions that I have on this dating game and just approach it with my own spunk. And see where it leads me.
I am rambling. I don’t even have the faintest idea what I am talking about really. Ok so let’s start the tale from the beginning.
love is really irrational
Sigh. Again, I should be writing, given the couple of articles with impending deadlines. But I am just too sleepy writing about the topics currently assigned to me. So I decided to give in to my urge and look up his profile once more.
This will be another love rant post. Much as I try to control myself from posting such posts, I cannot. I know people I respect would read this – people I would be too embarrassed to share this with on a personal basis. But then again, this is my personal space and I have resolved to have my say in it – without censorship as much as possible.
So then, off I went to check out his profile. I haven’t talked to him as much as I would love to. I am not one who initiates conversations with someone I barely met. And I do not normally make kulit on other people except my guinea pigs. So instead I checked him out. Of course he has been active, I always see him online. But I am much too shy to talk to him. This guy is different. He is one of the guys with whom I have had a very decent and intelligent conversation and with whom I want to constantly have conversations with. But then, I am reserved when it comes to initiating those conversations. I don’t also feel that at ease to blurt about just anything – unlike with my guinea pigs.
How can it be that you like someone, yet that someone doesn’t like you back? How can it be that one conversation lasting running through the entire span of the night until the next morning could have such an irrational effect on one girl’s poor foolish heart. Despite the many others who are out there clamoring for my conversation or my attention, it is his attention, his conversation I want. Sad to say, he is not amongst those clamoring for it. He is online but God knows what he is doing. I do not want to infringe.
Then again, I have to chide myself. He is not really who I am looking for. He is not the one I have been destined for. But irrationality does set in and my heart yearns. And all other else pales in comparison.
take a peek at the hum of my mind
I am always rattled when people I personally know – people like my long-time friends, people I respect because they are higher in stature than me or because they are my clients – tell me that they enjoy my blog immensely. I sometimes find it hard to believe that they are indeed reading my entries.
My blog is a whiplash of everything and anything under the sun. It contains my rants and raves about my life – love life, work life, family life, social life, school life – and my opinions and observations on current issues both political and social in nature. It is a combination of serious articles that I can be confident to submit in any periodical and personal diary entries that are best left written in a private journal. My blog is again anything and everything under the sun.
And so it is with much chagrin that I find people whom I respect reading my blog. Who knows when they would find my personal entries? Sometimes I am led to believe that I should create separate blogs -a blog for my personal entries and a blog for my more serious opinions. After all, how would people take my opinions on politics seriously if they appear side by side with an entry about love longings.
But then again a woman’s brain is wired into all sorts of connections that communicate with each other. And in deference to the title of my blog, Cerebral Insights, when one takes a look inside my mind, they will find wires upon wires connected with each other. Political opinions wired to personal love issues, stands on critical issues wired to work angst. They are all connected and wired in some weird sort of way.
And then I rationalize that this is me. What anyone reads here is simply who I am. This blog, after all, is a first and foremost personal blog. It is a virtual and literal mirror of the depths of my soul. And I am not afraid to admit who I am in my entirety – the good and the bad. Some people say that employers may turn down prospective applicants when they read their personal blogs and get to see who they are really hiring. But then I am not really afraid to show them who I am. I can readily admit to my weaknesses just as I can play up my strengths.
So before I digress, I guess I should be proud that people are reading what I write. I did write somewhere once that Writers love to have readers and that is true in my case. I love to have readers and I would mostly love to be able to interact with them. Before the year ends and as my last post in this blog, I would make an article about the stats the blog has received. It is not that impressive in a grand scale but for me it is impressive given my humble beginnings and my original intentions for having this blog.
In the future, perhaps I would move all my political opinions and articles to a more appropriate blog. Perhaps in the future Cerebral Insights would branch out to many other blogs. Already it did, or I tried to, but the task is too overwhelming for me at this point. So for now, Cerebral Insights will continue to live up to its purpose, and that is to mirror the hum of my mind.
So go ahead, take a peek at the hum of my mind, and if you want, give a piece of your mind as well.
***
New domain updates: By January, I hope to launch my own domain: cerebralinsights.com. It is already up and hosted but I am still revamping it so navigation will be much easier. The design is still bland as most free available themes lack a one feature or another that I like.
TLW Rocks!
May bf ka na?
Ito na ata ang tanong na paulit ulit kong narinig sa buwan na to. Mas madalas ata akong natanong ng tanong na to kaysa mga tanong gaya ng: San ka na ngayon? Anong trabaho mo? Grad ka na ba? Nakakasawa na. Ni hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses ko na tong narinig. Tuwing matatanong ako nito, sa isip-isip ko, Eto na naman tayo. At mahahaba-habang paliwanagan na ang susunod dahil sa reaksyon at kasunod na tanong nila sa sagot ko.
Simple lang naman sagot ko. WALA PA. At sunod na dun ang mga tanong.
Ows. Talaga?
Bakit naman?
Di ako makapaniwala.
At ang paborito ko:
Sa ganda mong yan at talino mo, wala talaga?
Hehe. Eh sa ano naman kasi kung wala talaga? Kahit ako nahirapan nag i-explain sa sarili ko kung bakit. Alam ko di pa panahon. Di pa sya dumadating. Di ko pa sya nakikilala (o baka nakilala ko na di ko lang alam na sya na pala kasi di pa nga time).
So, kung meron pa rin magtanong sakin kung bakit wala pa rin akong boyfriend, isa lang ang isasagot ko: DI PA KASI TIME. At ayoko na mag-explain pa ng pagkahaba-haba. Nakakapagod na. Hehe. ;D
Loopholes in the Constitution
Martial Law has been declared. Erap has been allowed to run for re-election. And in both accounts there have been serious questions as to who interpreted the constitution correctly.
In response to the Maguindanao massacre and the government’s difficulty in arresting everyone charged, GMA declared martial law in Maguindanao with the reason citing rebellion as the reason justifying the act. According to the law, (Article 7, Section 18) only invasion and rebellion are grounds for declaring Martial Law. Government officials admitted there was no actual rebellion – only a threat of one which was preventing them from implementing justice in the land. This raised questions within lawmakers as to what rebellion actually covers in the constitution.
For the upcoming presidential elections, former President Joseph Estrada, who wasn’t able to finish his term, decided to run once more for office. He has now filed his candidacy for the May 2010 Presidential Elections although there have been several groups who contested this. Every petition filed against his candidacy claims that he is violating a section of the Constitution (Article 7, Section 4) that prohibited any president from seeking reelection. However, his camp argues that he wasn’t able to finish his term and thus he is exempted from the given rule. This fired up debates on what the constitution really meant in that provision.
What I see in all these is that there are loopholes emerging from the country’s constitution. Either that or people just can’t understand what the law says. These two items that are being heavily contested are heavily influenced by the aftermath of the Martial Law declared by Marcos. The provision about declaring Martial Law covers the fact that no president should be able to lawfully justify declaring Martial Law for the sake of military rule like the one done by Marcos. The other contested provision about Erap running for reelection prevented any president from serving more than his allotted term in office thus preventing another overextended rule like that of Marcos. Both provisions that are being debated upon right now are attempts to prevent another Marcos from rising in the country.
Then again, I believe that there are certain things that should be improved upon the 1987 Constitution. The Constitution is almost 23 years old (same age as me) and in those 23 years there have been a lot of changes in the country – changes that would need some flexibility in the laws. I know a lot are wary about ChaCha and many oppose it but I think they should stop and consider the benefits of the act. I am not promoting radical changes in the Constitution but I want to see some amendments that would reflect the changing times and the changing needs of the country.
I hope our lawmakers would seriously look into the issue of fixing up loopholes in the law that gives the country such confusion like with what is happening now. I hope that instead of passing up pitiful laws like the renaming of streets, etc. they would look at the more important ones. I certainly hope our lawmakers would be able to anticipate social issues that would need more stringent laws instead of waiting for some crime to happen before coming up with the idea that a law could have prevented that from happening. Take the case of the Hayden Kho sex scandals wherein they discovered there was no exact law where he could be implicated or the recent Maguindanao massacre wherein if there was a law banning private armies, then such monstrosity could have been avoided.
The elections are fast approaching and with it the chance to once again elect some of the country’s lawmakers. I hope, as citizens who care for the democracy our forefathers fought with their blood, we would do our chance in voting wisely for lawmakers who would do what they have been elected to do – constitute laws that would be of service to the country and not amass personal wealth that would be of service only to them and a few others.
ramblings of a restrained heart
I hope but I do not expect. For who am I to expect when there is no right given for expectations.
I hope but I do not expect. For who am I in his eyes but a mere stranger – nobody in particular and everybody in general.
I hope but I do not expect. For to expect would be to entail some form of commitment and to hope is all that is possible at this point.
I hope but I do not expect. For hopes are all I can have when I am forever bound by the rules the mind exacts.
I hope but I do not expect. For to hope gives a fifty-fifty chance – it might and it might not.
I hope but I do not expect. For to hope means lesser hurt than to expect. Lesser heart aches. Lesser heart breaks.
-Heart-
is it really worth it?
Is it indeed worth it? To love someone only to lose that person? Are the tears shed, the pain felt, the heartbreak and emotional turmoil enough to compensate for those moments of joy you’ve shared with the person who now is no longer within your midst or inside your heart? Is the eventual parting worth all those days and nights of seemingly eternal bliss?
I see and I observe. Never had I experienced it. From what I see, it seems such a folly. To waste too much emotions on things unknown if it would last. Some may call me stupid – choosing loneliness and suppression over risking feeling that elusive emotion called love. But then again I do not think it is worth the pain. There are so many other things out in the world worth risking for. I am not about to risk my emotions for love though.
As I had relentlessly stated here, I will love with my mind and with my heart. Both must be in constant agreement. Although it is true that the heart continues to beat, with the logical guidance of my mind, I am able to save it from eventual heartache.
And thus in the battle between the blue sorrow of the mind and the red passion of the heart, I choose the former.
























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